Is The Customer Always Right?

No! Tonight was a perfect example of that. Exhibit A: Laker Fan. Laker fan comes in usually on a Sunday night during happy hour looking for the Laker game. He’s actually a nice guy, but, generally, a pain in the ass. The thing about Laker Fan is that he pretty much only orders potato skins during happy hour for a grand total of $4.87. We like to have as many people in our establishment as possible, but some are just too high maintenance for the revenue they bring in, case in point: Laker Fan. For those who live on Planet Earth, you may have noticed that our president made a speech Tuesday night. Kimi was changing the channels in order to get the speech on some of our TVs. The problem with changing channels is that our four DirectTV boxes are stacked one atop the other, seven feet and up, so changing one usually changes many. I guess this bothered Laker Fan, because he approached me and said, “You’re not a Laker fan.” He may have phrased it as a question, I don’t know, I wasn’t paying attention. Now anytime someone begins a conversation with “You’re not...” the conversation is not going to go very far. Now had Laker Fan asked, “Are you a Laker fan?”, we could’ve had a discussion. Instead, I responded, “I’m an America fan and I’m going to watch the president’s speech.” Laker Fan got a bit flustered like I called him a Commie Homo-loving son-of-a-gun. I explained that the Laker game would be on at least two of our televisions. He ambled off to the bathroom. Exhibit B: Douche Bag. I had no interaction with Douche Bag, but he was annoying to Kimi and I don’t like it when customers annoy my employees. Douche Bag was drinking Guinness. He finished one and walked away. When he returned, Kimi asked if he’d like another. His response, “That’s what I’ve been waiting for.” Of course, your feeble mind should’ve been read. Kimi poured his Guinness and set it down. Douche Bag said, “I guess that’s where I’m sitting.” Actually, fuck wad, since you’re over the age of six, you can probably lift a pint of Genius and set it down any where in the bar and sit there. Exhibit C: Cell Phone Guy. My friend Megan lived in London a couple years ago and was struck by how few people, if any, spoke on cell phones while in restaurants, coffee shops, etc. That’s not so much the case here. There were about eight of us watching the speech intently, when cell phone guy made a call. From the first words out of his mouth I wanted to pound him. He said, “I’m at O’ Brien’s watching the president’s speech....” Actually, ass clown, you’re talking on the phone while the rest of us are trying to watch the speech. I know the bar isn’t a library, but it’s a big enough space that one can move, perhaps outside, to make a call. I don’t get why people feel it’s their right to disrupt a quiet space with their phone conversation. Kill them all, I say.

So I put the question to you, dear reader, “Is the customer always right?”